Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
