Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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