im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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