we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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