Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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