So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize