PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
