I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
