Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
