That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
