oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
