Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Dear god my vagina.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
