He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
