i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I still have a little drunk in my system
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
