my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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