She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
