i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
