HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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