just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
