how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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