Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
