very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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