i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
