with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
