we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
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