Got a toothbrush?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
