shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
