I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
is it fun? or sober?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
