i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
