I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
