my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
