I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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