I think I died a long time ago.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
