Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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