it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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