We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
she looked like the before picture.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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