Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
