Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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