Is it because I queefed?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize