He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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