I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
