did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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