I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
