were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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