i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
