they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
what is it with giant penises always finding me
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
