sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
