yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
