Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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