Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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