Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
