she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
