her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
