You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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