Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
