I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Randomize
