i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Randomize