is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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