Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize