If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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