im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
