Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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