dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize