i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
