im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
