I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
