happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
