Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
