You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
