I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
