I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
