I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
the day after is always just damage control
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize