You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
