you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
