Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
